Should I date a young single mom who just got a divorce?
I'm really interested in a girl that's two years younger than me and just got divorced and has a son. I'm in the Army and so is her ex, we both like each other and I don't mind her having a kid. What's the best course of action?
Comments
Ask her out to dinner and while there, ask how she feels about starting a new relationship after just being divorced?
How "just" is "just got divorced?" If she and her ex haven't ironed out everything -- and I mean everything from custody arrangements and child support to property distribution and general demeanor towards each other.
Equally important: what will this mean to the son, to have you suddenly on the scene? I would say that whatever decision you make, do not be staying at her place when her son is there. He needs stability, not confusion, and even if your intentions are completely honorable, you may be her "transition guy" (see my first question) and not be a constant in the boy's life.
Be aware that it may be too soon and you may need to restrain yourself to the level of friend, initially. Come to think of it, that's always the way to go, isn't it?
Well . . . I have been there . . . more than once . . .
And while every woman is different, I can tell you that what remains the SAME . . . is that a young child will mean YOU will ALWAYS take a back seat in almost EVERY situation.
Think about it.
It's hard enough to get involved with someone and be FULFILLED in a relationship that DOESN'T involve someone else's child.
While I would never suggest you "shouldn't", I would deffinitely suggest that you remain fully aware that you have needs too . . . and as long as they are not ignored, then have fun.
IMPORTANT: It's not totally uncommon for a woman to get pregnant, or make a BAD choice based on being ATTRACTED to guy . . . whether he was the RIGHT GUY or not . . . . and then seek ANOTHER man who will provide all the things HE was not able to provide . . or NOT INTERESTED in providing.
Make absolutely sure that you are not interested in "filling the void" for the sake of it. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you are the guy she hopes will "CATCH HER WHEN SHE HAS FINISHED FALLING" . . . FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
Being the "replacement" is NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
You will want to make sure it's FUN for YOU . . . and GOOD FOR YOU . . . and not only good for HER.
First of all, you do NOT want to rush it. She is going to lean on people around her, including men.
1. She may hit rebound and lean on men to help make her feel loved, needed and attractive.
2. She may go through a 'I hate men' phase and push you away.
I think your best bet is to show you are there for her. Be a good friend. Pick up her tab at lunch one day. get a flower just to see her smile, or say to brighten her day. Realize she has a child and most likely that will be and should be her first priority. Make sure you are child friendly and like kids, especially hers.
Ask her if she'd like to catch a movie sometime. Maybe even invite her to bring her child along...that will normally get you major brownie points.
It all depends on what happened between her and her ex. And what all has happened between you and her. If you two are already really good friends? If you and her just know each other, ect?
BTW, you should not worry about age. that is not a matter of any substance when it comes to true feelings.
if you really do love her then you should. but make sure shes ready to date again, seeing as she just got a divorce. make sure first though that she didnt divorce because her ex was in the army and didnt have enough time for her. but, as long as you really care about her and she feels the same, then i say you should go for it. i hope this helps. =]
if she is just getting over a divorce then that can be a touchy situation...maybe they seperated cuz of the army...and you are in the same situation.
kids are not always a bad thing, but it is also a link to the past, take it slow, she is probably still recovering from the divorce and needs a friend more than anything...
Take it slow. Ecer watch Jerry Mcguire? Single mom's don't really date. For the most part (and not always) we are lookign for that one great guy to step in. Make sure that you guys are both on the same page, and please don't invole this child anymore then you have to untill you are sure of what you want. It's very easy to trapped in that "daddy" role if you are no careful. Best of luck to you. and even though you are okay with it now remmeber that it IS a package deal.
Just be a friend for now. If she just recently got divorced, then she needs time to adjust and heal whatever wounds came with that. You don't want to be a rebound guy. Give her time to come to terms with everything first.
Why did they get divorced? If it has anything to do with her, then I would think twice trying to get a relationship out of her.
I think it might be troublesome if you know her ex and stuff. Sounds like it can get complicated.
Not a chance. Not because of her kid, but DUDE ... she is just out of a marriage. Even though she has the best intentions ... you WILL be the rebound guy.